When I was pursuing my PG cert. a few years ago abroad, I met this girl who eventually became my friend and roommate. We are very close but argue a lot.
We argued as roommates because she spent every waking moment in Skype. I never went on Skype. When I brought this to her attention he told me she felt we should both be allowed to do what we wanted in our room (as opposed to being considerate to each other???!). As a smoker, this annoyed me because I still never allowed myself to smoke in the room, never brought any guys in the room (she is still a virgin even if she is almost 30 because of her culture… She is also Muslim.
So the semester progressed and she basically went on Skype whenever she wanted, ate pungent food whenever she wanted, spent all day annoying me with her constant bad habit of talking to herself and as if hearing her voice all day wasn’t enough, she talks in her sleep.
When I asked her what it was about me that annoyed her, she said that there was this one time I kept my alarm on snooze and just didn’t turn it off, and sometimes my typing at night keeps her up. I sorted out these two issues immediately.
Anyway, despite her annoying roommate behavior we are still friends. I am very open to her about herself but today, I felt like writing something because I feel somewhat bothered and maybe want to be wrong about her.
This girl is a dreamer. She dreams a lot. She comes from a society where they like to mind the business of others. Laugh at each others failures and get jealous of each other’s accomplishments.
She is quite contradictory about herself. When I first met her, she would talk about her plans on becoming a Nobel laureate and how those who do not believe in her “will see what I am capable of”. She says “I might be slow in learning some things but when I finally learn them I am the best” and when I asked here to give me some examples, she didn’t have any… And told me “you will see what I am capable of, I don’t know when but you will see”.
Every time a group of us would hang out however, she would always be the worst at everything… Like when we went bowling and some, including her had never tried before… While the others were in no time clearing pins, she was still struggling to get the bowling ball to roll. Another time we went to play Volleyball, she could not even hit the ball.
So now that we’ve established that she is shit at sports, I asked her “what are you good at?”. She told me she was great at poetry in both English and her native language. She made me read some and praised her but I can’t personally agree… But this is subjective.
English is spoken more widely in her country than it is in mine and yet, he English is absolute rubbish. Her vocabulary is high, but her grammar is pitiful. I’ve repeatedly told her “did + a past tense is wrong” and she doesn’t care to correct herself. This is basic grammar I mastered since I learned it the first time. So her language skills suck too because out of the 3 she’s had the opportunity of learning, she’s almost nil on the 3rd one (I know because I speak and write it too) and her English grammar is incorrigible.
I say she contradicts herself because she sometimes tells me she feels “you are good at everything, everyone here (at our Uni) is good at everything, are intelligent and I am useless and stupid”.
Today, we were chatting on Whatsapp and she told me she was working on a document for 3 days and “lost it”. She accidentally did not save it when MS word asked and was hoping I could help her retrieve it. Somebody, tell me who doesn’t open a word document and saves it before it even has anything on it? It is a must to do that, and in my case at least, even if it auto-saves I save it every time I touch it! So yet again, this proves my point of how annoying this kid is… She got angry and she then had the audacity to tell me “these things always happen to me”. Well, it happened to me to 15 years ago, and aside from files being corrupt due to viruses, it’s never happened again.
She’s been unemployed for over a year now and I told her to spend her time doing productive things while job-hunting… She said she would sit the GRE and TOEFL because it increases her chances for IVY league universities and why not? It’s almost the end of the year and I asked her about her progress and she told me she still hasn’t got around to studying any of this because things has been happening… She got sick (according to her she was possessed and had to go through and exorcism), her mum got into an accident, during Eid there were too many family gatherings, after Eid there were even more family gatherings…
She basically spends her time (according to her) interning for this Ivy League graduate, helping him with his research. Since they are not in the same country, their correspondences are all online and she is doing all this pro bono. I wouldn’t be surprised if some African is making money out of her articles, but she assures me this guy is legit.
Anyway, the reason why she annoys the hell out of me sometimes isn’t any of this (these things are annoying but it doesn’t bother me after I stop talking to her). What really annoys me is the fact that she feels she is the most deserving. This is for everything.
She told me she will get a man who is very handsome, tall, rich and among other things faithful because she deserves it. I told her that everyone deserved the best and she said she knows, that everyone else isn’t her problem but she will get the best because Allah talks to her and he will give her what she deserves. “Is it because you are a virgin?” I asked and she told me that was one reason. I told her she just has to have sex once and she will be like the rest of us and she got angry because she said unlike us who has had multiple partners, her husband will be her first and last. When I asked her whether she thought being a virgin made her superior to non-virgins she told me it was all a matter of culture but then contradicted her hypocritical opinion when she said she felt women who slept with more than one guy were less respectable. So we are all basically sluts.
Yesterday, she told me she will eventually work to change policies to further protect women and promote emancipation of women. I asked her how she proposed to do that and she said “by then, I’d be working for the UN or something similar”.
Last year, I asked her to apply for some scholarships and she told me she didn’t want any of them because she wants an Ivy League. I told her there are many other universities that offer courses superior to that of ivy leagues and that she should take what she can get… But no, she wants a full-ride scholarship to an Ivy League.
Yesterday, she got annoyed with me because I told her she expects to be given everything and proof of this is the fact that she is not bothered with applying for jobs or scholarships. She gave me yet another chain of excuses why… She’s been visiting family. Family is visiting her and so on!
Now, to go back to why I am writing all this is because as much as I want to believe in her, I feel she’s one of the billions of people who dream big but expects luck or their uniqueness to push them up to the world of the elite. I tell her I believe in her and I do, but only because I believe with the right ingredients, we are all capable of greatness. But why then do I get annoyed at how she is a lot of talk and no action?
I once ended our friendship because she pushed me to a breaking point. For a few days we did not talk and then she left a post-it on my table telling me she will never allow me to not be her friend. Needless to say, she has been chasing me ever since.
She is a wonderful person, a good heart with her fair share of crazy but I wish someone could tell me how to help her. I offered her an non-paying internship in my country, at my office, room and board at my place but she has no money to fly so looks like it won’t happen.